Tag Archives: relationships

let_go_balloon

Why Mastering Detachment Is Good For The Soul


“Don’t cling to things because everything is impermanent.” 

― Mitch Albom

Creation is such a marvelous thing. Especially when it comes to human nature and all that becomes of our lives. Everyone in life, regardless of good or bad intentions, misguidances, pain, happiness, confusion, history, present, or future, we can all count on one thing… Love, belonging, and seeing things go. Many of us from birth experience someone caring for us without us doing anything in return. We grow and we are loved. As time passes, we learn independence; what it means to do things for ourselves, surviving a physical life, like all forms of life, which will seize to exist one day. 

Life as we discover, is about connecting and relating to other people, animals, and even material things. We relate to others like us, discover who we are and what interests us, and we grow apart, change environments, switch careers, fall out of love, and witness people passing away. Life is a feeling process that can become confusing and hurtful but also full of happiness and excitement with each transition. 

When becoming so connected to our creation and learning to be in love with our relationships with people in the world or the good emotions we feel, how do we disconnect? And more importantly, how do we get used to being okay with disconnecting?

Here are some ways to learn how to detach. Practice makes the master. 

1. Confidence: What helps me worry less about what I think I may have lost, (whether it be a job opportunity or a companion), I remind myself that the Universe is working in my favor, that everything is okay, and that everything I have asked for, whatever my intentions are, I will be receiving all great things. No matter what happens, I know that my life is continuously be set up for better experiences, ones that I never even fathomed. 

2. Expect Nothing: One of the trickiest most common emotions in attachment are expectations. We expect things to be a certain way with others as well as ourselves. We put pressure and get emotionally attached to outcomes when expecting things to play out a certain way. We must LET GO OF ALL OUR EXPECTATIONS. Love has no expectations. Love just exists with no conditions and respects all circumstances. If you remind yourself this while loving yourself, this will be the second step to allowing things to play out the way they need to while maintaining peace within yourself. 

3. Let Go Of Control: Most people who are assertive have a need to know what is going to happen and how. This is why intuitive and clairvoyant physics have successful businesses. People want to know what is happening and what will happen. Breathe deeply, remember that everything is beautiful and good and if it hurts or is frustrating now, it will only be so temporarily. Not everything is under our control and that is okay. Don’t carry that burden. 

4. Understanding Life and The Universe: We all know one thing for sure, we don’t know everything and new things are discovered everyday. The ocean is too deep to explore, there are billions of life forms we have yet discovered, we are made of the same components of stars, and we live in the Milkyway Galaxy which is a small part of the Multi Universe in which we exist. Wow, who is to say that once our body gives up, our soul does also? Death perhaps isn’t what we think, and maybe nothing really is. Heaven or Hell, may very well be in the mind. There is something about believing in souls regenerating without the physical body that is calming. Losing people you love or seeing people pass away is always a sad and painful process. We naturally miss things we no longer have. That is because we are creatures of habit. Once you learn to adapt and remember all of the joy in all things and know it is not truly the end, it eases us into detaching. 

5. Don’t Hold Onto Conflict: Loving ourselves without constant judgment is always something to practice. People go through hard times and in turn, find it difficult to communicate respectfully. There is no need to think everything is about you. Take it easy on everyone including yourself. Mistakes are common, and not everyday will be a perfectly happy one. The more you let negative feelings and thoughts go, the easier it will become. Be accountable for your mistakes, love yourself and know that you are growing continuously, and don’t allow the actions or words of others make you feel less than amazing. 

Practice peace as often as you can. Everything is temporary which can bring both happy and sad emotions. Life is a constant journey and out of it flows a lot of beautiful and exciting things. Life is truly what we make it. So remember to let go often and choose to smile. Love yourself and others. 

And remember, when life gives you lemons…

 

 

What-to-Do-if-He-is-Cheating

The Real Reason Why Men & Women Cheat

“Why do men cheat? Because it’s something that they can be successful at when they are feeling unsuccessful at most other things in life.” – Yehuda Berg

I have read numerous articles about why men cheat when the truth is women cheat as well. Now when I speak in regards to “cheating”, I am speaking in regards to those who deceitfully and sneakily go behind their partners backs to entertain and be entertained by another individual.

Keeping in mind that some people are sexually ambitious and prefer an open relationship, or sort of an open relationship (Swinging etc.), those who choose that kind of lifestyle are open about it because they have a different perception. This is an honest approach to the lifestyle one chooses and technically should not be considered cheating.

Let’s define the term cheating. Some of you may or may not agree and that is okay. So I will make it clear that to some peoples standards and perception, cheating is not only the act of physically or sexually involving yourself with another person. For some people, cheating can also be emotional. Cheating is seeking romantic attention by involving yourself with another person unrelated to your partner behind his or her back.  Either way, it is the dishonest part of sharing your vulnerabilities or attention somewhere else romantically that makes it cheating.

So why do we do it? Why do men and women alike become dissatisfied, bored, or curious about the external places to give them happiness? What is it about seeking outside of our personal lives, potentially betraying our sacred loved ones, to find satisfaction elsewhere? What is the REAL reason both men and women cheat? And more importantly, how do we handle it?

The Problem Is Never YOU:  No matter how many articles you read Many people are out of touch with their inner Light, their inner happiness, their peace of mind. We make it a habit to feed our egos by seeking compliments to feel desired. When we have an innate desire to feel good about ourselves we seek acceptance from external sources because we don’t feel adequate or happy with ourselves. Most of us are in a constant state of judgement. Judgement against the world and judgement towards ourselves. We train ourselves to love others and make others happy without looking within, instead of loving ourselves. A person who has not yet discovered how to love and accept themselves, those who are not happy with their path, those who aren’t happy with themselves or their place in life will cheat on you.  It is important to know that this is the NUMBER 1 reason why men and women cheat and this is also why we must NEVER take cheating personally. Even if your partner gets caught or deceives you even more by making you feel that it is your fault for them stepping outside of you, never believe them for they are projecting their insecurities onto you and will only receive temporary satisfaction based on egotistical reasons instead of long term spiritual success. Is that the kind of relationship you want anyway?

To Help us with our thoughts on being committed and faithful, we should…

Always Be Grateful For What You Have: We tend to get complacent, stuck between desire and something we are used to having. Once we no longer have it we start to get those feelings of desire again. It is important to count your blessings if you have something good.  Try to remember why you had those amazing feelings for your partner and try to do exciting things with them. Don’t allow complacency to take over making you for the urge for something different. If you feel like the spark is gone, make sure you bring this up with your partner to try new things. A date jar perhaps is a creative way to do things you love together. Feel free to make it spicy and fun. Try dedicating once a week to go out on a date if possible.

 

Enjoy-Being-Alone

How To Enjoy Being Alone

It’s an interesting combination: Having a great fear of being alone, and having a desperate need for solitude and the solitary experience. That’s always been a tug of war for me. – Jodie Foster

 

Being alone can be difficult to those who are extroverted and love talking to people and sharing thoughts. Some people really have a difficult time with being alone and will ask someone to accompany them when doing short tasks like picking up groceries, picking up laundry, or grabbing take out. Since we are born we have to be watched, we need love, we need communion, and we continue to grow in social environments like school. It is even politically frowned upon to not have a spouse. It is in our culture and our society that make us feel uncomfortable to be alone. Of course this may be different for the introverts. They yearn the need to be alone with their thoughts, to have the freedom to do as they please.

Have you ever wondered why you are afraid to be alone? Why do we feel lonely when we don’t have company? Further more, why when we don’t have enough downtime alone, do we wish we were by ourselves?

Here are a few things I think can change your attitude about having some successful, happy, fulfilling, downtime:

It’s Healthy & Satisfying To Spend Time With Yourself – Studies show that most people stay in bad relationships because they are afraid to be alone. Being single doesn’t mean you are alone. It means you are open to possibilities of getting to know different people and possibly one day leading into a committed relationship, or not, it depends on what you are into. Spending time alone allows us to self reflect and pay attention to our needs, desires, and thoughts. It is healthy to digest the day and grow from things we experience. 

Enjoy YOU – I think it is important to be your own best friend. Yes, we need others and real best friends but I think it is equally important to enjoy the way you think, the things you love, and really take the time to do what makes YOU happy. I think we can over think loneliness and boredom, making us uncomfortable spending time by ourselves. If you don’t think you’re fun, why should anyone else think you are?

Pick Hobbies To Do Alone – If you love writing, bring a book with you to a public place. Pick up an instrument, attend a concert, roller blade, learn a language, or try something completely new. You’ll be surprised how exciting your own company can be and what new thoughts you will gain. 

Here is a Poem written by Tanya Davis. The video below is a recorded version of this poem that may make you see being alone in a different light. 

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There’s also the gym. If you’re shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke). 

And there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places. 

And there’s prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals. 

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they — like you — will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. 

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less intriguing a person when you’re eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community. 
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching…because, they’re probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there’re always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might’ve never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one’s in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept. 

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school’s groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you’re happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach. 

And it doesn’t mean you’re not connected, that communitie’s not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn’t get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it. 

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it 
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

 

sarahabell_1768028c

Why People Get Bored In Relationships

“Unless a man has been taught what to do with success after getting it, the achievement of it must inevitably leave him a prey to boredom.” – Bertrand Russell

Anyone who has been in a long term relationship understands that when the newness fades, things can seem redundant, monotonous, well, just simply… boring. As human beings we thrive off of adventure and discovery while seeking stability. For us stability feels safe and discovery feels exciting. Well how can we connect these two when we are in a long term relationship?

Furthermore, why do we become bored with someone we know and feel comfortable with? What causes boredom? Is it all in our head? Is it distress? Is it hormones? Is it our comfortability that enables us to be less interested in appreciating what it is we already feel certain we have?

Often times we don’t understand the reason we have become bored. We may potentially start to take out our negative emotions on our partner and make ourselves believe it may even be their fault. This is why we’ve created the emotions of “Loving Someone” and “Being In Love With Someone”. The feeling of being in love is when the dopamine, a neurotransmitter that causes feelings of pleasure and reward, is emitted in our brains. So there are chemical biological components that interact with the excitement we feel when we are discovering a new person for the first time. We can’t help it, we enjoy the newness and thrill of the chase.

After some time, people in long term relationships start losing interest and/or energy to try new and different things. Those who love their relationship but worry where the fire went can start to worry and get depressed. Other factors that cause boredom are feelings of distrust, arguments about money, sexual selfishness, or control, ego, and power. Boredom becomes a symptom of these negative circumstances and in turn, we lose the feeling of “Being In Love”. When you find yourself not wanting to give up, you will cling onto the fact that you love the other person although the spark is starting to fade or feels long gone.

So now that we know there are things that can easily make us bored, how can we fix this? 

Appreciate The Love You Have: This is the first and foremost thing to remember. After feeling like we have won someones heart, it is so easy to completely give up because we feel confident they will never leave. Well you are in for a rude awakening, just because someone has been with you for a long time doesn’t mean they won’t leave and find someone better. Relationships will not include years of courtship unless you put in the effort. Now really sit and think, if that person really means something to you and you have great times together often, how would you feel if that person decides to leave you because they no longer find you fitting for them due to the lack of love given on your behalf of the relationship?

Be Happy: Never forget that you are your own person and that before you met your partner you had your own happiness as they had their own. Energy is contagious. If you have fear, doubt, and worry, it will show and those close to you will feel that energy. It is important that you do what makes you happy as long as the intention is good of course. Whether it is doing something spontaneous and adventurous, go out and do it. Inviting your partner can potentially make for a great day and can liven up your relationship. Remember, happiness starts from within and should not be controlled  by others. The love you have for yourself, the happiness you create in your life, has nothing to do with anyone else. When your happiness is shared amongst others, it can make for great energy to be around.

Understanding The Joy Of Sex: Enjoyable sex influences the psychological aspect of a human being. Sex is a major concern for many people who find themselves bored in a relationship. Every person is different. A previous partner could have gotten great pleasure out of pleasing you and your new partner may  only be interested in being pleased and less concerned with pleasing you. It is important to understand that love making is the physical communication of admiration you have for your partner. Sex is a spiritual and mental act which enhances the pleasure you feel while expressing your feelings physically to someone else. It is a lot like kissing. It is the art of touching to show someone love. Once you understand that sex is a joyous thing and should be expressed unselfishly, you get past the boring part, and enhance it by bringing a certain depth of appreciation and admiration. Speak openly to your partner if there are things you want to do to spice it up.

Let Go Of Old Wounds: So many of us revert to our childhood about the way we give love and receive it. We remember the way our parents loved each other and the way they loved us. Which means that every one has different associations with what love should feel and be like. We all grew up in different households. Some of us may have grown up with one parent and may have been neglected because that parent worked hard. After experiencing that, as an adult we may need and demand certain kinds of attention and affection from others. Maybe your parent spoiled you, and as an adult you believe love is the action of someone who buys you gifts. Either way, we must understand what our voids and intentions are when it comes to sharing love with another person. In order to understand what your wounds are and where they come from, one must have some downtime to think, read, or share with someone who may be wise and non judgmental on the subject.

Date Night: This is where the fun is. Spending quality time with your partner to share new experiences are both fun and enjoyable. The reason we enter a relationship is because we relate to the other person in some way. What was it that you two enjoyed doing so much? Try writing a variety of affordable ideal dates on pieces of paper and put it in a “Date Jar”, every week or twice a month, go into the date jar and pick out the date to be had. This can bring a sense of adventure, fulfillment, and pleasure. If you can think of anything better, then go for it.

Create New Conversations: Some people become afraid to express themselves beyond the initial “getting to know someone” phase. You should be comfortable with the one you love and be able and willing to discuss new things. If you find that you have run out of things to say, try asking hypothetical questions about the future or about the present. This can lead into doing something new together as a couple or even individually. You never know if perhaps your partner needed a boost to get out of depression. Try talking about cooking classes, or websites that encourage fun and interesting dates. Maybe you have thought about volunteering, playing a sport for fun or starting a garden together. Doing something new with your partner or encouraging them to try new things will invite change to the monotony and aide in keeping your partner feeling good about themselves.

Couples Therapy: The only way the heartbeat of a relationship can survive is if both people involved are willing to work at it. This is the true test of love. If you believe what you have is worth saving then it is best to find the right method for your relationships madness. If you think it would be easier to seek out therapy with your partner than be sure to feel comfortable enough to suggest this with your partner. In any committed relationship, comfort, security, honesty, and support is key. No one is too good for communication. Therapy can be extremely beneficial when both parties involved are dedicated to understanding each other and enhancing their relationship.

Stay True To Yourself: If both parties aren’t on the same page as far as making it work, or you know that you are ready to move on, that the person you are with isn’t the right fit for you, then you should be true to yourself, let go, and move forward. Everyone has the right to happiness and self discovery. Love is essential and being bored is a symptom that starts within our minds. Be good to each other.