Category Archives: Fear

let_go_balloon

Why Mastering Detachment Is Good For The Soul


“Don’t cling to things because everything is impermanent.” 

― Mitch Albom

Creation is such a marvelous thing. Especially when it comes to human nature and all that becomes of our lives. Everyone in life, regardless of good or bad intentions, misguidances, pain, happiness, confusion, history, present, or future, we can all count on one thing… Love, belonging, and seeing things go. Many of us from birth experience someone caring for us without us doing anything in return. We grow and we are loved. As time passes, we learn independence; what it means to do things for ourselves, surviving a physical life, like all forms of life, which will seize to exist one day. 

Life as we discover, is about connecting and relating to other people, animals, and even material things. We relate to others like us, discover who we are and what interests us, and we grow apart, change environments, switch careers, fall out of love, and witness people passing away. Life is a feeling process that can become confusing and hurtful but also full of happiness and excitement with each transition. 

When becoming so connected to our creation and learning to be in love with our relationships with people in the world or the good emotions we feel, how do we disconnect? And more importantly, how do we get used to being okay with disconnecting?

Here are some ways to learn how to detach. Practice makes the master. 

1. Confidence: What helps me worry less about what I think I may have lost, (whether it be a job opportunity or a companion), I remind myself that the Universe is working in my favor, that everything is okay, and that everything I have asked for, whatever my intentions are, I will be receiving all great things. No matter what happens, I know that my life is continuously be set up for better experiences, ones that I never even fathomed. 

2. Expect Nothing: One of the trickiest most common emotions in attachment are expectations. We expect things to be a certain way with others as well as ourselves. We put pressure and get emotionally attached to outcomes when expecting things to play out a certain way. We must LET GO OF ALL OUR EXPECTATIONS. Love has no expectations. Love just exists with no conditions and respects all circumstances. If you remind yourself this while loving yourself, this will be the second step to allowing things to play out the way they need to while maintaining peace within yourself. 

3. Let Go Of Control: Most people who are assertive have a need to know what is going to happen and how. This is why intuitive and clairvoyant physics have successful businesses. People want to know what is happening and what will happen. Breathe deeply, remember that everything is beautiful and good and if it hurts or is frustrating now, it will only be so temporarily. Not everything is under our control and that is okay. Don’t carry that burden. 

4. Understanding Life and The Universe: We all know one thing for sure, we don’t know everything and new things are discovered everyday. The ocean is too deep to explore, there are billions of life forms we have yet discovered, we are made of the same components of stars, and we live in the Milkyway Galaxy which is a small part of the Multi Universe in which we exist. Wow, who is to say that once our body gives up, our soul does also? Death perhaps isn’t what we think, and maybe nothing really is. Heaven or Hell, may very well be in the mind. There is something about believing in souls regenerating without the physical body that is calming. Losing people you love or seeing people pass away is always a sad and painful process. We naturally miss things we no longer have. That is because we are creatures of habit. Once you learn to adapt and remember all of the joy in all things and know it is not truly the end, it eases us into detaching. 

5. Don’t Hold Onto Conflict: Loving ourselves without constant judgment is always something to practice. People go through hard times and in turn, find it difficult to communicate respectfully. There is no need to think everything is about you. Take it easy on everyone including yourself. Mistakes are common, and not everyday will be a perfectly happy one. The more you let negative feelings and thoughts go, the easier it will become. Be accountable for your mistakes, love yourself and know that you are growing continuously, and don’t allow the actions or words of others make you feel less than amazing. 

Practice peace as often as you can. Everything is temporary which can bring both happy and sad emotions. Life is a constant journey and out of it flows a lot of beautiful and exciting things. Life is truly what we make it. So remember to let go often and choose to smile. Love yourself and others. 

And remember, when life gives you lemons…

 

 

What-to-Do-if-He-is-Cheating

The Real Reason Why Men & Women Cheat

“Why do men cheat? Because it’s something that they can be successful at when they are feeling unsuccessful at most other things in life.” – Yehuda Berg

I have read numerous articles about why men cheat when the truth is women cheat as well. Now when I speak in regards to “cheating”, I am speaking in regards to those who deceitfully and sneakily go behind their partners backs to entertain and be entertained by another individual.

Keeping in mind that some people are sexually ambitious and prefer an open relationship, or sort of an open relationship (Swinging etc.), those who choose that kind of lifestyle are open about it because they have a different perception. This is an honest approach to the lifestyle one chooses and technically should not be considered cheating.

Let’s define the term cheating. Some of you may or may not agree and that is okay. So I will make it clear that to some peoples standards and perception, cheating is not only the act of physically or sexually involving yourself with another person. For some people, cheating can also be emotional. Cheating is seeking romantic attention by involving yourself with another person unrelated to your partner behind his or her back.  Either way, it is the dishonest part of sharing your vulnerabilities or attention somewhere else romantically that makes it cheating.

So why do we do it? Why do men and women alike become dissatisfied, bored, or curious about the external places to give them happiness? What is it about seeking outside of our personal lives, potentially betraying our sacred loved ones, to find satisfaction elsewhere? What is the REAL reason both men and women cheat? And more importantly, how do we handle it?

The Problem Is Never YOU:  No matter how many articles you read Many people are out of touch with their inner Light, their inner happiness, their peace of mind. We make it a habit to feed our egos by seeking compliments to feel desired. When we have an innate desire to feel good about ourselves we seek acceptance from external sources because we don’t feel adequate or happy with ourselves. Most of us are in a constant state of judgement. Judgement against the world and judgement towards ourselves. We train ourselves to love others and make others happy without looking within, instead of loving ourselves. A person who has not yet discovered how to love and accept themselves, those who are not happy with their path, those who aren’t happy with themselves or their place in life will cheat on you.  It is important to know that this is the NUMBER 1 reason why men and women cheat and this is also why we must NEVER take cheating personally. Even if your partner gets caught or deceives you even more by making you feel that it is your fault for them stepping outside of you, never believe them for they are projecting their insecurities onto you and will only receive temporary satisfaction based on egotistical reasons instead of long term spiritual success. Is that the kind of relationship you want anyway?

To Help us with our thoughts on being committed and faithful, we should…

Always Be Grateful For What You Have: We tend to get complacent, stuck between desire and something we are used to having. Once we no longer have it we start to get those feelings of desire again. It is important to count your blessings if you have something good.  Try to remember why you had those amazing feelings for your partner and try to do exciting things with them. Don’t allow complacency to take over making you for the urge for something different. If you feel like the spark is gone, make sure you bring this up with your partner to try new things. A date jar perhaps is a creative way to do things you love together. Feel free to make it spicy and fun. Try dedicating once a week to go out on a date if possible.

 

Being Vulnerable

How The Courage To Be Vulnerable Can Change Your Life (VIDEO)

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” – Brené Brown

Ever since I could remember, I’ve been an open book. Some people consider that to be a weakness. I’ve come across so many people who are “private”, people who don’t want to speak about who they are or what their experience has been in order to protect themselves from the opinions of others and perhaps even themselves. We live in a world where we desire to “fit in”, we want the people we love to be proud of us and we have so many distractions that we can barely digest our deepest emotions. We become lost in a world that is so distracted by perfection that we lack love and concern for our feelings and soon, we don’t know what it is we feel unless we can speak about it.

So how do we practice vulnerability? How do we learn how to be honest with ourselves instead of being correct? How do we take on the courage to be vulnerable with ourselves in order to feel safe to be open with others?

Have The Courage To Be Honest With Yourself: I am sure you’ve all heard the saying before, “The Truth Shall Set You Free” When you are accepting of your emotions and your fears only then can you truly over come them. If you don’t confront what it is you are feeling, you can’t address it. Try talking about your fears to someone you feel comfortable with, someone who you believe won’t judge you this way you can come to terms with the feelings you are having. This isn’t necessarily because you need advice, but because you want to understand the depth of what you are feeling. 

Take Nothing Personally: We live in a world where people judge themselves. It is hard to find a spiritually strong person who loves themselves and are honest with others. It is important to understand that how people may react to your vulnerabilities is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. One of my favorite authors, Don Miguel Ruiz said, “Don’t take anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

Prepare yourself to have the strength to be comfortable with your vulnerabilities. We are human and function the same way. No amount of money or confidence can take away anyones vulnerabilities. As a poet, I find that when I read my poetry to an audience, I am allowing people to relate and in turn they thank me for saying things that they couldn’t say. We are all experiencing different things. All scary and courageous things. Perhaps if we all start to be vulnerable, it may give people the courage to be vulnerable too. But remember, even if they aren’t at that emotional level of maturity, do not take it personally.

Practice Being Vulnerable: The more you practice being your true self, the easier it will become. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone what you have been through, only the things that make you who you are. The things that you fear from time to time, and the things you’d like to discover in life. Be vulnerable in a positive way. 

Don’t miss this TED talk by Brené Brown. She is the author of Daring Greatly 

What would you like to get out of being vulnerable?

Enjoy-Being-Alone

How To Enjoy Being Alone

It’s an interesting combination: Having a great fear of being alone, and having a desperate need for solitude and the solitary experience. That’s always been a tug of war for me. – Jodie Foster

 

Being alone can be difficult to those who are extroverted and love talking to people and sharing thoughts. Some people really have a difficult time with being alone and will ask someone to accompany them when doing short tasks like picking up groceries, picking up laundry, or grabbing take out. Since we are born we have to be watched, we need love, we need communion, and we continue to grow in social environments like school. It is even politically frowned upon to not have a spouse. It is in our culture and our society that make us feel uncomfortable to be alone. Of course this may be different for the introverts. They yearn the need to be alone with their thoughts, to have the freedom to do as they please.

Have you ever wondered why you are afraid to be alone? Why do we feel lonely when we don’t have company? Further more, why when we don’t have enough downtime alone, do we wish we were by ourselves?

Here are a few things I think can change your attitude about having some successful, happy, fulfilling, downtime:

It’s Healthy & Satisfying To Spend Time With Yourself – Studies show that most people stay in bad relationships because they are afraid to be alone. Being single doesn’t mean you are alone. It means you are open to possibilities of getting to know different people and possibly one day leading into a committed relationship, or not, it depends on what you are into. Spending time alone allows us to self reflect and pay attention to our needs, desires, and thoughts. It is healthy to digest the day and grow from things we experience. 

Enjoy YOU – I think it is important to be your own best friend. Yes, we need others and real best friends but I think it is equally important to enjoy the way you think, the things you love, and really take the time to do what makes YOU happy. I think we can over think loneliness and boredom, making us uncomfortable spending time by ourselves. If you don’t think you’re fun, why should anyone else think you are?

Pick Hobbies To Do Alone – If you love writing, bring a book with you to a public place. Pick up an instrument, attend a concert, roller blade, learn a language, or try something completely new. You’ll be surprised how exciting your own company can be and what new thoughts you will gain. 

Here is a Poem written by Tanya Davis. The video below is a recorded version of this poem that may make you see being alone in a different light. 

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There’s also the gym. If you’re shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke). 

And there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places. 

And there’s prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals. 

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they — like you — will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. 

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less intriguing a person when you’re eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community. 
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching…because, they’re probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there’re always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might’ve never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one’s in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept. 

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school’s groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you’re happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach. 

And it doesn’t mean you’re not connected, that communitie’s not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn’t get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it. 

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it 
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.