Relationships are formed by communication. Whether it be a look, touch, kind gesture, or through words, relationships are established by communication. If communication is the establishment of relating to others forming a “relationship”, then it is safe to say that relationships also grow and enhance by communication as well.
First thing to realize is, the way we communicate with ourselves is the way we communicate with others. This is why we are known to be reflections of the people we are with. We reflect what we feel, think, and believe onto others with our realizing it. When you are happy with your life and yourself, and your partner is happy with their life and themselves, it is easy to have a happy union because together you are sharing and expressing happiness. Even if you aren’t in an intimate relationship these rules are still applied.
So let us delve into the negative side. No relationship is or will ever be perfect by definition. Two people with two different lives connecting with one another often is bound to have a disagreement and a difference in perspective. What comes next is how to use the art of conversation to be mature and share thoughts and feelings with one another in a way that isn’t unpleasant and unloving, but instead, in a forgiving and understanding way with the respect that we as people deserve. Here are 5 things to practice.
1. The Way We Communicate With Others Is The Way We Communicate With Ourselves: If you tell yourself you are ugly or not good enough for whatever reasons, you will communicate that way with the world. You probably judge people without knowing them and aren’t being fair or loving to yourself. Try posting positive notes around all your personal areas about how amazing, lovable, and hard working you are. Remind yourself of your achievements and all that you will achieve. Be your best friend. Doing simple things like this will give you spiritual pride. Ego filled pride is a way to protect yourself from the outside world. Ego filled pride gives you confidence to hurt others in order to protect your own feelings. This is a trick because it does not heal you from your fears. It does not solve the issue. It makes things worse and it hurts more people.
2. Take Time Out Before Reacting & Responding To What It May Be That You Are Feeling: This is the biggest challenge for people who have never took time out to understand where their fear, pain, and anger come from. The easiest thing to do when someone hurts us (intentional or not), is to react immediately by yelling, saying something to hurt the other person, sometimes even physically harming someone else, or not saying anything or coming back to the problem at all (Passive Aggressiveness). All which are detrimental to healthy minds, healthy relationships, and love. Take a walk, take yourself from the bad space and think about how to express yourself.
3. Ask Yourself A Few Questions Before Responding: What am I feeling and why? Where does it stem from? How can I express my feelings and where they come from without offending and hurting someone else? When asking yourself these questions remind yourself that you can not take anything personally. Why not? Because the way we communicate is us reflecting how we feel about ourselves, our own reality, thoughts, and feelings. Remind yourself that you shouldn’t come from an attacking place, but from a mindful place. The other person has their own perspective and we must respect that and be willing to understand them so they feel safe and willing to understand you.
4. Speak From A Loving Selfless Way When Responding: Start off with saying things like, “I feel this way when…”, “I feel this way but I understand that it may not be your intention to hurt me…” Remember love is respect. Love is forgiveness. Love is patient. Loving others is loving yourself and there is healing in love. Stick with these ways of thinking and you are sure to be mature in communicating with others respectfully.
5. Be Patient And Allow The Other Person To Respond Completely: It is important to allow people to speak when they are trying to convey a message productively. Some people aren’t good with expressing themselves through words. It is important to take turns by listening well with the intent to understand the other person. If you do not do this with them, they will not want to do this with you. Not everyone will want advice so be sure to ask if they are open to suggestions before giving them. We may also want to ask them what we can do to make a situation better and happier.
6. Ask About The Resolution: After the two parties have expressed themselves completely, ask one another what the next step is. After you both feel good about the exchange of words and come to an understanding or an agreement, ask one another how to compromise with one another to make it better.
These steps aren’t always simple but if you have the will power to be emotionally intelligent and mature, then you can complete these steps overtime to create stronger bonds and relationships in your life.
And remember, when life gives you lemons…