Monthly Archives: June 2013

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How to Love Yourself Without The Acceptance of Others

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

 –  Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.

We start developing self conscious behavior as a child. We get concerned with how other people see us. We are concerned oh their judgement and what they say about us. We end up believing what people say, afraid that what they say about us is true. We start questioning ourselves.  Am I really unattractive? Do these clothes tell people that my parents are poor? Our thoughts get tainted by others immaturity. Meanwhile, kids and adults bully people because they were treated unkindly. People bully others because they are unsure of who they are and want to make others feel the same way. It’s a part of abuse and doesn’t come from love. Of course, as young people, we don’t understand that. Instead, we internalize this terrible behavior as the truth. When we hit our teenage years, our social life becomes extremely important and our appearance, both our personalities and physical appearance, matter most in our lives. We remember what people have said about us or  what we have come to think about ourselves.

Social Acceptance becomes the goal and primary goal. Being social (creating friendships and relationships with others), allows us to feel appreciated and helps us feel a part of something bigger. Naturally, we want people to care about us. We want to have someone be there to build us up. As adults we have a tendency to  practice this behavior with the people we get into an intimate relationship with. Some of us put pressure on our loved ones to show lots of appreciation. They want to be showered with compliments and if these needs aren’t met, one may feel awful about themselves. That is where the problem lies. You are responsible for making yourself feel amazing. One should love and respect themselves wholeheartedly. Only then can one love someone else the proper way. You will not be using someone to feel accepted. Instead, you will share the light and love you have for yourself with other people. You will attract beautiful people into your life and you will enjoy being alone during your down time. You will find yourself happier and you will not allow yourself to feel rejected by other people.

Here are some things you can do to practice self love:

Positive Affirmations: Purchase colorful index cards and research positive quotes or create them yourself. Jot down your accomplishments. Your favorite aspects of your personality. Put them up around your personal space and be sure to say them out load and read them daily.

Leave Negative People Behind: We tend to be reflections of the people we choose to be around. If you are used to feeling victimized, blaming others for your problems. If you feel down about where you are in life, if you don’t think highly of yourself, chances are you spend your time with people who have a similar mind set. Try spending your time with outgoing people. People who work towards their goals on a daily basis. People who respect others and progress in a positive light. Taking on a new mind set will be healthy for you. You will become inspired and speak differently about yourself. You will believe in your potential rather then focus on the negative. This positive change will transform into a habitual thing in time.

Create a Goal/Start a Hobby: Spending time on doing things you love is a healthy thing to do. Creating small goals or hobbies allow us to feel productive and helps keep our attention on positive things. Start a scrap book, take pictures, create a travel journal and go on small journeys or learn a craft. Be persistent and the final product will help you enjoy life. This also helps practice spending time with yourself. Volunteer in an area of interest and do activities that you never do. You will find that you enjoy your own company more and more each day.

Forget Past Failures & Forgive Yourself: Many people become obsessed with past failures. We reject ourselves for the mistakes we have made or how other people made us feel about ourselves. It is important to let it go. Every makes mistakes and in time, we move on from them. If we didn’t make any mistakes, we wouldn’t grow. Learn the lesson, forgive the past, and create your life a new.

Be Kind to Others: Hold the door for people, say good morning, lend someone a phone charger, make a joke with a stranger.  Send a anytime card to a family member. Whatever you do, do it with love. Smile often and you will see the difference in your day.

Find a Good Read: Inspirational books have been a favorite of mine. They are so positive and full of ways to see life in a different perspective. We may not have mentors or therapists and reading good books is similar to speaking to a wise person with a different point of view. Be sure to read daily.

Keep a Journal: Before you go to bed, write an entry about the best part of your day, the worst part of your day, and the best thing that came out of it. Be sure to end it with saying something amazing about yourself. Be sure to speak beautiful things into existence. Write about the things you want and believe it will happen. ie. I am proud of myself for how far I have came. I am more and more beautiful everyday. I will attract nothing but inspirational people in my life. So be it!

Spend Less Time On The Media: We live in a world that has a balance of good and bad. Unfortunately, the media is a hyperactive place for a lot of negative, superficial, distracting things. Sometimes less programming is better for our focus.

Pamper Yourself: Take care of your body. Join a gym. Eat healthier. Get a manicure or pedicure. Buy yourself flowers. Plant flowers in a local garden. Take a bubble bath. Get a massage. Listen to good music. All of these things help cater to a happier you.

We are ever changing so outside judgments and what others believe about us are usually reflections of themselves. You are only responsible for yourself. How you love others is how you love yourself. The company you keep is a reflection of how you love yourself. By doubting yourself  you miss out on believing in your potential. Renew your mind and experience the greater things in life that you wish to possess.

To everyone out there, please believe in yourself, love yourself, cherish yourself, respect yourself, and acknowledge the potential you possess. Without love, we would all continuously suffer. And remember, when life gives you lemons…

 

Learning to Let Go

letting go

“Detachment means letting go and non-attachment means simply letting it be.” – Stephen Levine: A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as If it Were Your Last

In the past, if I was hurt by something or fixed on wanting to change something out of my control, I would obsess over the situation for quite some time. Even then, I thought it was foolish of me to hold on to the same thoughts and concerns I’ve had for months. I understood there was absolutely no point in distressing myself with the anticipation of the outcomes in my immediate future. It was holding me back and making me depressed.

With the understanding that the universe was on my side I knew I needed to practice faith and detach from having the desires to control circumstances beyond my control. No one should worry about anything pertaining to their future. The only necessity is to problem solve and focus on the positive. Why fear the unknown and become doubtful? Negative emotions are dangerous to fill your mind with. These defeated emotions are current reflections on what we may go through but everyday changes and new opportunities arise. Love always heals us. Your grudges whether with yourself or with others will disappear and your anger will come to pass. We are all energy made up of the universe and we act accordingly. Some days we understand those around us and other times we are not in tune. It is not natural to feel happy everyday, but what we can do is exercise our thoughts. Thinking positive and letting go of sad thoughts will improve your life in the most amazing way. You create your world and it all starts with you.

My best advice is to Let Go. Be secure and confident that everything will work itself out. If not the way you desire it to, then for the better. Every loss opens new possibilities for growth because every loss initiates change. When we feel we have lost, we hurt because it is our emotional resistance to change. No matter how much we accept intellectually that we must go with the flow, if that flow separates us from what we love, our feelings say, “No!” You must never forget nothing is lost. Nothing will ever be lost. Everything that once happened still exists, has still made its impact and still will somewhere down the line.

By letting go, you are not losing something. Letting go is gaining everything. We are human beings who hold power, we bring about manifestations and miracles. Our minds are powerful and we all have gifts that can heal ourselves and others. You must know that you are a powerhouse and that mistakes do not define you nor anyone else walking this Earth. You must know that you can achieve success and that pure unconditional love heals everything and everyone. Letting go allows us to heal ourselves. We are responsible to be right within ourselves in order to be intuitive and guide ourselves into the places we want to be in. Self discipline is a necessity when trying to learn new things and get to a better place. You are in control of you, your environment and the things that will happen in your future. Let go and let God as they say. Everything always works itself out for the greater for us, especially when we choose better options for our future. Make things beautiful in your life by removing insecurites and worries about the future, talk to the Creator, and you will soon see changes manifest; First in your heart, then your being, then your environment and eventually you will start seeing the outcome in your everyday life. Change always comes about, especially when you’re not expecting it to. And remember, when life gives you lemons…

Overcome Creative Confusion

Newspaper Blackout by Austin Kleon

Sometimes we simply don’t do things because we think we can’t do them to the best of our ability. There is some stifling block of fear or misperception on our part that hinders us from executing an idea. This has been my biggest downfall.

I must have changed my mind about what my career would be about 7 times in the last ten years. About 3 times, I have succeeded. I went from being a certified pastry cook, to trying my hand in the music industry, to working in television and film. I now work as an Associate Producer in a freelance world. I grew up being musically trained by professionals joining various choirs. My mother, a natural born artist, would bring masks home from special effects class and I would draw cartoons and write poetry often. I found it interesting that I stopped doing most of these things because of I feared I wasn’t good enough. Fear has held me back from publishing books and keeping my poetry to myself.

I have even held myself back with creating and developing websites; believing that perfection would only make them successful. I often thought the perfect logo and color scheme would have to be in order before I could effectively receive an audience. If I didn’t create something excellent, my words of advice and experiences wouldn’t reach anyone. So here is what I have been telling myself:

Surround yourself with creative people: I have so many creative friends and although our lifestyles may get busy I find myself keeping up to date with their websites and updated work. It is inspiring to see people love what they do while taking pride in their work and becoming successful gradually. There is also a new resource that is free called Creative Mornings. Creative Mornings is a free monthly 20 minute lecture breakfast with a creative entrepreneur. This amazing series now happens all around the world mainly in major cities. If there is not one happening in your city you can start it. Resources like these can help inspire people like us. Positivity inspires positivity.

Practice Makes Perfect: If you are creative, create! Whatever it is you want to do, do it. No fear, no worries, just do it. You will be surprised at who will be inspired or enjoy the work you share for all to see. The only way to produce is by execution. Once you feel pregnant with an idea, write it down or do it as soon as you can.

Have Fun: Like Erykah Badu once said, “I’m an artist, and I’m sensitive about my s***.” Isn’t it true? We are our worst critics. I must have hundreds of poems that no one has seen all because I am my worst critic. I have always thought, because I grow as an artist my future work will be better than the work I have already produced. This has stopped me from creating manuscripts for books to be published. As artists, we should just have fun with it.

Just Do It: There is no harm in being productive. The interesting thing about being creative is that there is no normalcy. Creativity is experimenting by producing what is creative. As a producer in reality television, we are constantly filming to see what we can capture. We are creating as situations arise. Only then, will we know what direction the show can go in. Just create without judging yourself.

Check out an inspiring lecture by Austin Kleon during a Creative Mornings session

5 Steps to Minimizing Your Addiction to Social Websites

Does social networking sites or social media hinder you from being progressive? Are you tired of checking your twitter, facebook, tumblr, or various accounts every 5 minutes? According to studies, Dopamine is the chemical responsible for our addiction to the internet by causing us to constantly seek new information. New information is not always bad. Somehow the internet has turned into a continuously updated version of the newspaper. Many people however, get seriously distracted by social networking sites. Lots of corporations and businesses have even went so far to ban websites such as facebook and youtube from their network.

Social networking websites are used to display the expression of people. Although it is nice to keep in touch with your family and friends, it can be detrimental when people express themselves in ways that aren’t so positive. Unfortunately, the downside to these sites can be the immature friends you’ve met in the past, the friends who are constantly venting negative energy, and the occasional fights with your loved ones, only to be surprised by a disrespectful status. People tend to utilize these websites as an outlet for their negative energy. In some circumstances people share content that may be inappropriate or not on the same level of thinking we would like to be on. In some cases, people can become jealous of others for living lifestyles that may seem better than our own. Remember to love yourself and appreciate where you are in life if that happens. These are prime examples of how these sites can distract us from being productive with our own lives. News feeds can dishonor your opinions about privacy and unfortunately we all know about your on and off relationship and what happened all because of what people choose to post.

Let’s admit it, the embarrassment of your personal life is all there for the world to see or have access to and it can ruin your day. This is why facebook, myspace, and twitter sites alike, should be kept to a minimum. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the negativity. If you are personally want to minimize your addiction, here are a 5 steps you can put into practice. All it takes is discipline to create new habits.

1. Unsubscribe from updates: Do this by simply going to a friends page, clicking the “Friends” button that has a check next to it and click show up in news feed. This will prevent seeing updates from certain negative people.

2. Relationship What?: No one really needs to know that you’re in a relationship with a specific person or what your anniversary is. Simply omit if you are single, divorced, or in a relationship. If you post pictures of happy times with your partner and respect your relationship, it won’t matter anyhow.

3. Don’t Vent Your Frustrations: Write in a journal instead. Try not to post anything negative on any website.

4. Ignore your grand ‘ol Droid and iPhone Apps: Most of us have upgraded our cell phones and we now have a facebook, myspace, and twitter app. This makes it easily accessible to check all accounts at any given second. Remove your apps and you’ll focus more on the real world around you.

5. Eliminate your email notifications: This is another great way to help you ignore your social websites. You don’t need to have your email accounts flooded with who has mentioned you or what post you may be tagged in. It doesn’t matter who is following you today on twitter or instagram. These email notifications will make you want to check your account more and more.

Feel free to even deactivate your accounts for a while. Isn’t it funny how we can’t even delete our account on facebook entirely? Mark Zuckerburg is a billionaire off of our addicition to social networks online. He’s one smart cookie.

Wishing you all the best with your discipline in achieving success in eliminating your addiction. Real life is always best. So delete those apps and edit your accounts. There is work to be done and people to talk to face to face. And remember, when life gives you lemons…