Monthly Archives: May 2013

Why Trying to Control Others Stifles Our Happiness


At a young age we are taught to control ourselves. We are taught to behave, speak, eat and do things a certain way. This cultivates who we become. As the years go by we practice these methods we were taught and in turn, we desire to control other people and or situations around us.

In the past I realized I wanted control what others thought. I wanted to permeate the minds of my loved ones and convince them why, thinking like me or understanding me better, can help them and our relationships. Now when I failed in my many attempts to persuade, I noticed it ate me alive inside. “How and why can’t things go my way”, I repeatedly thought to myself. I became angry, hopeless, frustrated, sad, and depressed. It was then, inside my mind and heart, I knew I do not and will never have the ability to control people or the world around me. Nor should I have any desire to do that. To love is to respect and enjoy or understand the way others think. I am only in control of myself. My actions, my behavior, my environment. Even this can be a difficult task in the end.

control After all these years of practicing control how can we un-learn and teach ourselves a new perspective on life? Well, I have some suggestions, good ones.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

  1. Do you get frustrated, sad, or depressed when things don’t go your way?
  2. Do you really believe that you can control others opinions, thoughts, and feelings?
  3. Will you have a hard time trying not to convince someone how to behave, think, or speak?
  4. Will you learn to accept and appreciate other people for who they are?

Communicating and expression is an essential part of human relation. Yes, we can share words of wisdom and personal beliefs and preferences with others.  However, the outcome of  people understanding us at the same level or agreeing with us may not always be reached overnight or at all. There is something special about us all. We all have different perspectives and experiences. Besides, if you truly have a problem with the way someone chooses to live their life you have the option to have that person in your life. It is healthier to be content with yourself instead of putting stress on a person or situation. We tend to grow after going through a series of experiences. Our experience allows us to get to the next level of thinking. Therefore, we should respect other peoples progress of growth.

Everyone finds their own way and all we can do is love them; even if loving them from a distance is healthier for us. Relationships are about relating to one another. No one two persons are exactly alike. The sooner we accept this, the happier we will become.

And remember, when life gives you lemons…

Daily Positive Affirmation

moon and sun           This is my favorite positive affirmation. I say it to myself daily and always see results.

Infinite Intelligence governs, guides, directs, sustains and animates my life. The Infinite Mind knows no mistake. It is never discouraged. This Mind is my Mind now. All belief in fear, discouragement, disappointment or failure is erased from my consciousness.

I am forever supplied with every good thing, forever happy, radiant, well and complete. This word establishes the law of wholeness and harmony throughout my entire being and in everything I do, say or think. My life represents that which knows no limitation, is forever manifesting complete joy and freedom through me.

Spirit daily provides me with everything necessary to my happiness, to my wholeness, and to my complete self-expression. I represent the Principle of Divine Activity which never tires, which is birthless, changeless and deathless. I know that Infinite Intelligence which sustains all things, and the Perfect Law which holds everything in its proper place, governs my life and action.

My whole being responds to joy, to peace, to truth and to abundance. Only that which is good can enter my experience. I know that as a result of this word, happiness, health and prosperity immediately spring into action and manifests through me. I know that the action of Spirit in me is always complete, perfect and enduring.

Every organ, action, and function of my physical being represents this Divine and Perfect Life, manifesting within me. I am aware of my Partnership with the Infinite and I know that everything which I do shall prosper.

It is done. I accept. I believe. I know.

How To Attract & Have A Healthy Relationship

Couple Where do I begin? We all desire a healthy relationship. We all crave love and happiness. Most of us want to start a family with someone we can trust, someone we can look up to, grow with and have a true partnership with.

Here are some of the things I had to learn in order to finally have one:

1. Love yourself! Loving yourself is making yourself happy by taking care of yourself, enjoying your alone time, being confident in yourself, etc. Of course we can fall short and become insecure. We all have our days. It is however, imperative that you feel whole and complete as an individual before embarking a journey with another person. I can guarantee you that your relationship will fail if you rely on your partner for happiness.

2. Build a Friendship! There is a difference between love and lust. We often confuse the two and try to build off of lust. I found it most helpful exercising discipline by holding off on the physical part and getting to know someone first. It is the most exciting part of the relationship. Depending on what you are looking for, you can really become more attracted to someone by observing who they are and what they aspire to achieve in life.

3. Think Positively! Let’s face it, American culture has always taught us that men are the cheaters and the womanizers and they just don’t care. In this new generation women are also judged in similar ways. The media shows a huge divide between the sexes. Try reprogramming the way you think. Believe in yourself and then you will attract that same energy for your life. Not every man or woman is irresponsible. We are all individuals who are made differently with different needs. It isn’t healthy for your relationship if you are focused on suspicions. Be fearless and have faith that your partner will not do something dishonorable in your relationship. And if your partner has already proven to be dishonorable in many ways then remember the first step and focus on attracting the right partner for you.

4. Accept your partner! We all have options. We create our lives by the choices we make. It isn’t healthy to take a partner whom you don’t really approve of. Why should you settle anyway? If you don’t approve of certain habits or characteristics that seem unchangeable in someone then the best thing for you to do is consider dating someone else. Loving your partner is accepting your partner for who they are. You want to enhance their life, not change it. Always be honest with yourself about what you want and need.

5. Forgive & Forget! No two people are going to please each other all the time. There will be times you will do something that is hurtful to your partner and vice versa. The best bet is to talk about it at the right time in a calm manner. Speak in a way where there is no blame or right or wrong but what is beneficial and what you find hurtful. In the same situation, if you know you did something to hurt your partner, you can apologize immediately and explain that your goal isn’t to be hurtful. This falls under communication skills. I suggest you do this face to face so it is personal. If you have a hard time expressing your feelings, write it out. Then forgive and move forward being mindful for the next time.

6. Be Romantic! Dating is essential in every relationship. Spend time and have fun with your partner. Making new memories and enjoying activities together is a very beneficial part of bonding. Surprise one another with things to do. Feel free to share your appreciation through random poetry, emails, text messages, or letters. Hide love letters around the house for each other. Appreciation is a great expression of love.

7. Be Understanding! A good friend of mine once told me, “Did you know that love is a high degree of understanding?” A partnership involves more than one person. It is important to be mindful of not only I, but us. This is a part of support and enhancing each others life. Balance your logic with your emotions and come from a loving and understanding place. This is why friendship is important to solidify. As a friend and partner, you want to be able to understand what your partner desires, needs, enjoys.

So, love yourself first, build a friendship with your partner, think positively, accept your partner for who they are, forgive and forget, be romantic, and be understanding. Love should be unconditional and enjoyable. And remember, when life gives you lemons…